Begin (Confessions)

I saw this post in my Facebook feed this today and knew I had to write something about it.


…Because this is truth.

We all have to start somewhere.  We are all beginners.  We will not know our full abilities until we try.

When I first began my fitness journey I could not do a full three minutes on my elliptical.  In fact, I found it so hard that I gave up.  I was winded and sweaty (I still sweat like I’m burning in Hell) and, frankly, I was embarrassed that a mere three minutes of cardio nearly killed me and I gave up!

I had bought that elliptical on a whim of trying wanting to be healthy (read: skinny) and I failed.  And, apparently, at that time I was okay with failure.  But then one day, that one particular day, I made a decision and my life changed – forever and for the best.  I swear to God, that elliptical saved my life.  I saw this with all seriousness and certainty.  I was on a path that was destroying me.  My self-esteem was shot, my mental health was in the toilet, and I was overweight to a degree that I should never have let happen.

And I jumped on my elliptical and had my first real workout.

And, although I swore I would never publicly show this photo – I realized, “well shoot!  This was me!  This is what I looked like!”  So, here goes:

Side by side

Left: Before / Right: After 

Yep!  The pic on the left with the scratched out face and the really, really badly blonde hair is me.

And you know what’s sad?  I I don’t even recognize that person on the left and I’m ashamed that I allowed myself to treat my body that way. After A Lot of hard work, dedication, and discipline, the pic on the right reflects closer to where I am today. But each day I grow in my fitness. I’m so much stronger and adventurous in my exercising. And I look forward to challenging myself daily.

Once I started exercising regularly and eating healthier, I started feeling better on the inside too.  I know not everyone gets this or agrees. But this is 100% true for me. Exercise helped bring me out of a 10 year depression. It helped with my self-esteem and confidence.  There are days when I still struggle with these but overall, I’ve become a different person.  (Give it a chance….you might be shocked to find that exercise can help you too.)

Mood changer

When I look back to those years ago and hopping on my elliptical and failing miserably at my first attempt of working out, I almost feel glad,  Because I was doing it for the wrong reason.  As I said above, I wanted to start exercising to get thin, not to have a better life.  And it wasn’t until I decided to change my life that my life changed.  That’s when I really began.

So, don’t be afraid to begin.  Even if it means you’re starting over or beginning again.  It’s when you’re really ready that you will make the effort.  As you know, my mantra for years has been “If you’re not willing to do the work, you’re not ready to lose the weight.” (Thank you Shaun T!)  Again, #Truth!

So, don’t be afraid.  Go ahead and begin.  And if you have to, begin again.

















When I was younger my aunt used to always tell me I had a big bum.  I would get really irritated with her because A) I was young  B) I already had self-esteem issues C) She was a big woman and who was she to tell me I had a big butt?

When I was in college I realized “Eff me!  I have a booty!”

I have loved my booty and I have lost my booty (it’s always the first thing to go when I lose weight – the boobs quickly follow).  Since I started running again this last year – like, really running again, like, nearly every day – I have watched my bum disappear a little.  But, for the most part, it’s still there.  And you know what?  I love my butt!

I do!  I love it.  It’s round and it’s grab-worthy (yes, I’m tooting my own horn), and it holds my pants up.  What more could I asked for?

The other night I was changing out of my gym clothes and caught a glimpse of my arse in the mirror.  I took a long, hard gander at it – studying it from different angles.  And I was in awe.  I have mucho respect for my behind.


I’ve also realized over the years that A) My aunt loved me and meant no harm  B) Although she was a big woman she had a terribly flat ass!

I’ve fought my body image demons for many years.  I have always fought them and I will continue to fight them.  And in my fight I am going to love myself and appreciate myself and respect myself.  I am going to wrap myself in a big hug whenever I can and be thankful for the legs that carry me, for the butt I sit on, for the arms that reach out and touch.

Hug yourself.  Love yourself.  Appreciate who you are.  Respect your body.

~Fit Bitch




In a few weeks my BFF and I are going on a Yoga Retreat.  I am super duper excited about this.  I love my yoga classes here but my fitness instructor just received her certification for yoga so we’re not quite (in class) where I’d like to be.  Although there are other instructors available here, I really wanted to do something special and made a plan for my girl Steph and me to spend a weekend away doing yoga and who knows what else.

yogaWe have booked a hotel and have made arrangements with the yoga studio in the City we’ll be staying in and we’re both really looking forward to this adventure.  I never thought I would fall in love with yoga the way that I have.  I always feel so much better after a yoga workout.  In fact, I try to incorporate as much yoga into my week as I can.  I’m hoping to one day be at peace with my body and I think believe yoga will help me get there.


~Fit Bitch