Friday I had an appointment with my doctor to follow up on my heart tests, insomnia, etc. My last visit with her I, once again, addressed my weight. I am at a good weight. I am healthy and fit; in the perfect BMI range for my height and age; and as I’d mentioned a while back, my cholestoral levels are “impeccable” (I really like saying that word). Everything seems to be fine and dandy except, regardless of my exercise schedule and insane regime, I am having a difficult time getting over a plateau.
The last 2 weeks I have decreased my cardio somewhat while at the gym to focus more on strength and building more muscle – as this will certainly help with weight loss – and I know I should really be believing in all that “muscle weighs more than fat” mumbo jumbo since I preach it all the time. BUT, when I got on the scale (backward, by the way because my doctor and I deem it neccessary for me not to know the number) and found out I’d gained a pound I nearly had a meltdown. A pound! I know. It’s not a big deal. And my doc and I discussed the exercise and the training and the “muscle weighs more than fat” mumbo jumbo and I tried to stay calm.
But deep down inside I am still the 16 year old girl with eating disorders and fat fear and OMG, self-esteem issues to the max. And although I know it’s just a number and there are/could be many contributing factors to weight gain of one pound, I still feel sad and disappointed and frustrated that, in my own mind, I am still not good enough.
So, here’s to good thoughts and self love and exercising for the right reasons and to good (mental and physical) health.